Perimenopause Power by Maisie Hill

Author:Maisie Hill
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781472978875
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

People-pleasing

It’s not surprising that people-pleasing is so prevalent. In terms of our evolutionary history, it was only a minute ago that confrontation ran the risk of us being kicked out of our community and to do so meant risking death. This – along with our experiences in childhood – is why going against what’s been asked of us feels inherently risky. It’s why we people-please.

One massive benefit of perimenopause and menopause is that you stop giving a shit about what other people think of you. If this hasn’t been your experience yet, then let’s speed the process up so that you can use your brain and energy on more important things. When you’re in a situation where you become aware that you’re people-pleasing, or more likely, afterwards, ask yourself what was it that you were thinking that made you feel that you couldn’t be truthful. Then decide what you’re going to do to either clear things up or do differently next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

You can’t feel seen, heard and connected in your relationships if you’re not being yourself, so this is important. Do you want to spend the rest of your life exhausting yourself by pretending to be someone else? You may come to realise that in an attempt to please everyone, and be liked and thought well of by others, some of your personal relationships are inauthentic, created on a false foundation of people-pleasing lies. But your relationships will probably survive you deciding to be you. In fact, they may thrive. And it’s possible that some people won’t be thrilled with the new (old) you. Not everyone is going to like you, but a jar of Marmite doesn’t worry about the people who can’t stand it and nor should you.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

You may discover that after years, decades, of people-pleasing, you’ve lost your sense of self. All the yeses that were really nos have chipped away at you, so that you no longer recognise what remains. Perimenopause and menopause are a time of rediscovery. The hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause forces us to confront the truth of our lives. You might feel content and proud of what you see. But there may be grief, resentment and sadness too. The speeding-up of the cycle brings with it a fast and furious energy that you can use to work through these feelings, and finally accept and let go. You get to decide how you’re going to think and feel about perimenopause and the years that follow it. You can decide what you want the next decade to be like. So, what do you want?

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